I struggled with sleep recently. It was a slow learning process. I had to first let go of the desire to find out why and get comfortable with reality. That takes a bit of time, in this case a week or even more.
Now that sleep has been better, I have more clarity. I noticed I was exercising a lot. When I wouldn’t sleep well, I would take that as a reason to exercise in the morning, thinking early morning exercise would help me feel tired and sleep. I was missing the rest and recovery part. After exercise, I would relax through yoga and moments of meditation, but then I would continue stimulation overload rest of the day. Work. Unreal social expectations. Even getting lunch was a task. This was nearly an every other day routine.
I happened to read about overtraining, not for the first time, but this time my reality made me listen to it. I decided to skip exercise, and dial down goals of all kinds for a week, and try to just be and relax. In just a couple of days, I felt sleep was easier. I also realized I did not understand meditation at an intuitive level until now. I had heard people say it is non-doing, just being. But I always thought of it as a task. Again like overtraining, this realization came from within for the first time. I simplified my meditation technique. Sit down comfortably on a chair, and just gently notice breath going in and out of the tip of the nose. I had learned this from the description of Vipassana meditation. There is something about this that made me switch to being rather than doing. Tip of the nose and noticing was calming. I could do this for hours. Several days into the week, I felt rejuvenated.
This is still early days. But I am beginning to appreciate non-doing, relaxing, and letting go. Doesn’t mean I will not exercise again. May be when I have more clarity around how to exercise with proper recovery. Another interesting observation in this week was this happiness I felt in just being with people, as if this is all life is about.